Should Christians handle relationships differently than the world? Yes! When we look to God’s Word, it’s clear; as followers of Christ, we can’t follow the world’s way or our own ideas. Colossians 2:8 (NKJV) says, Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.
Where do you get your wisdom about relationships? Have you consulted God’s Word? If you’ve never looked to God’s Word on this topic, you’re setting yourself up for a fall. You’ve placed yourself in a dangerous position. The Lord desires for you to trust Him and to look to Him for His wisdom and direction. Proverbs 3:5–6 (NKJV) says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. The question is not How will you find a mate?, but rather Who will find your mate?
Over the years we’ve seen teens decide to try to find that “special someone” through the world’s way or following their own way. Instead of trusting and turning to God to choose, teens often take it into their own hands. It has led to destruction of family, friends, and youth groups. Proverbs 16:25says, There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.
Calvary Chapel Family Ministry wants to help you avoid the world’s way of doing relationships, which leads to death. As you read through and study these materials, we pray that the Holy Spirit speaks to your heart. May you see and understand God’s perfect plan as you trust Him. May you see the lies Satan has been telling you and the world, and may you want to run from them. We pray you would become excited about living radically for Christ. Before beginning the study, please read the following Scripture references and write out what the Lord shows you.
1 Corinthians 6:9–11 (NKJV): Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdomof God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdomof God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:12–20 (NKJV): All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Thessalonians 4:1–8 (NKJV): Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.
*Now take some time and write out what the Lord is saying to you in these verses. Parents, before moving on to the rest of the study, pray together and discuss what your family as written out. As you read the portions that follow, underline the areas that stand out to you. At the end of the entire study, review why each person underlined certain areas and what they learned.
*The way God designed the human anatomy affects relationships with the opposite sex.
*God has designed each person with the need for intimacy, and strong temptations will arise to abuse and misuse this God-given desire for intimacy.
*It allows us to develop self-control and patience as we wait for the person whom He has chosen.
*When the area of relationships is left to man’s opinion and the world’s way, the fruit is rotten and the results are devastating.
*Parents and youth don’t consult God’s Word and have a lack of knowledge of God’s mind and principles on this very important topic.
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”—Hosea 4:6 (NKJV)
*Temptations abound due to strong sexual desires.
But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
—James 1:14–15 (NKJV)
Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul . . .—1 Peter 2:11 (NKJV)
*The godly concept of a pure relationship has been perverted and twisted by the society we live in.
And with many other words he testified and exhorted them, saying, “Be saved from this perverse generation.”—Acts 2:40(NKJV)
. . . that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the
world . . .—Philippians 2:15 (NKJV)
*The meanings of terms such as dating, romance, and lovehave been confused by conflicting voices. The clear meanings of these words have been distorted. Confusion is not from the Lord.
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.
—1 Corinthians 14:33(NKJV)
The Bible clearly tells Christians not to be imitators of the world. Through God’s wonderful Word, He gives believers a clear picture of what true relationships look like. All relationships should be pure, wholesome, and led by the Holy Spirit. Look below and compare the world’s way of doing relationships with the Lord’s way.
*Is self-directed and self-centered
*Has a foundation based on feelings, sexual desires, and flesh-based attraction
*Has a receiving attitude (What can I get from this, or how does it make me feel good?)
*Is focused on the body
*Rushes into romance and destructive behavior
*Is exclusive and possessive (Doesn’t include family or friends in relationship)
*John 10:10 is the result: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.”
*Weakened relationship with God and others
*Unhealthy self-image
*Character degeneration
*Decreased motivation and fulfillment
*Bad example to others
*Insecurity and instability
*Confusion, strife, pain
*Emptiness and sorrow
*Death (in all areas)
*Is Spirit-directed and God-centered
For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name’s sake, Lead me and guide me.
—Psalm 31:3 (NKJV)
*Has a foundation based on prayer, solid friendship, commitment to God, and wholesome attraction.
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
—1 Corinthians 10:31(NKJV)
*Has a giving attitude (How can I help or serve?)
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
—Philippians 2:3 (NKJV)
*Is focused on the spirit and soul
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
—Galatians 5:16(NIV)
*Develops solid friendship through time and patience
Love is patient . . .—1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV)
*Includes others (Includes family and friends in relationship and activities)
”Do to others as you would like them to do to you.”—Luke 6:31 (NLT)
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.—1 Peter 3:8 (NLT)
*Strengthened relationship with God and others
Read all of Psalm 1.
*Healthy self-image
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.—Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
For “who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ.—1 Corinthians 2:16(NKJV)
*Better character
In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness . . .—2 Peter 1:5–6 (NLT)
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.—Colossians 3:12(NLT)
*Increased motivation and fulfillment
*A good example to others
And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.—Titus 2:7 (NLT)
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.—Ephesians 5:1–2 (NLT) Please read all the way through to verse 17 in your Bible.
*Security and stability
Read 1 Corinthians and see how love protects.
*Sustaining joy
You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.—Psalm 16:11(NKJV)
For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting, that he may give to him who is good before God. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.
—Ecclesiastes 2:26(NKJV)
*Abundant life in all areas
”The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”—John 10:10(NKJV)
